(“Help Wanted: Manager — Congressional Bounce Houses” first published in Medium – November 2, 2016)
Manager – Congressional Bounce Houses
A Manager to supervise the safe operation and maintenance of the two separate but equal Senate and House of Representatives Congressional Bounce Houses (CBHs) located on the West Front Lawn of the US Capitol Campus, and who will solemnly swear to support and defend the exclusive Right of Members of the Congress of the United States against all enemies of innocent and healthful play and recreation, foreign and domestic; that she/he swear to take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation, purpose of evasion or party affiliation, and that she/he will faithfully discharge the duties of the Office of Inflatable Amusements & Play, so help her/him God.
- Supervises event staff, hires, coaches and evaluates performance.
- Supervises Bounce House Rotunda Play Desk Operations.
- Directs exterior ballistics testing.
- Enforces off-limits for constituents, vanquished opponents, ethicists, lobbyists, lumpen, and media.
- Mediate playtime disputes, control bullying, browbeating, rank-pulling, donor-bundling, punching, biting, tell alls, rule-changing, slander, robocalling, camel-nosing, ping-ponging, blue-pencilling, hair-splitting, absentee calling, hijacking, hostile amending, and delaying tactics.
The ideal candidate will have a minimum of 3 years experience in Large Outdoor Interactive Inflatable Attraction Management in a public-facing, large enterprise environment.
Clearance – Security Level ‘Secret’
Certified MIL SPEC M2000 Non-Rigid Inflator Operator, diesel and 3-phase versions
SPEC 4-0909-Delta-Charlie PVC Kevlar ballistic inflatable field repair
Certified Red Cross CPR/AED & First Aid Responder
Certified Eventbase Enterprise Scheduling App Administrator
Diverse Staff Management
Supervise set up of legislative and/or party-themed events and decorations
- Manage frequent and random sweeps for covert surveillance bugs and cameras
- Supervise shoe repository
- Manage instruction in games and activities according to party guidelines:
“Yeah or Nay” (‘Bounce & Freeze’ variant)
“Deem and Pass”
“Bid Pro Go”
“Pork Barrel of Monkeys”
“Cloakroom & Dagger”
“Whack-a-Poll” (Foam Bat version)
“Run the Traps”
“Sequester the Molester”
“Yield the Bouncy Floor”
- Maintain Lost and Found
- Keep all legislators engaged in activities
- Oversee daily Nappy Times
- Supervise clean up of sweat, spittle, venom, rhetoric and accusations that just won’t stick
- Supervise maintenance of structure anchors in high winds and hot air
Bachelor’s Degree in Recreation Management or equivalent years of direct experience; Certification in Large Outdoor Interactive Inflatable Attraction Management desired.
A highly visible, energetic, and contentious venue, noisy, argumentative, toxically bipartisan and often dysfunctional. Ability to lift and carry one’s weight, borrow from Peter to pay Paul, take two and tango, and walk a fine line in the Other Washington required. Some nights and weekends; continuous duty during filibusters. Conflict resolution and negotiation skills useful.
(Graphic by the author)